my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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