Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
