You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
