Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
