fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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