Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
