I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this just has baby written all over it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
