Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
false alarm, still single
Randomize
