We won't sleep together?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
