I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize