Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
