just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sext me about skeletons
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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