suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
