Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
