pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
