think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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