I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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