We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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