Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
