I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize