Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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