I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
