Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
