god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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