it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize