For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
