Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
