Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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