I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
