Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
