ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
