Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
