Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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