Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
only you would photoshop your dick
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
