I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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