can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
