There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
