I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
