You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
