Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
