Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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