Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
