I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
