Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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