I wannas sexs uuuuu
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
