Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize