my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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