you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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