***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
