tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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