dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
either way he was missing a nipple.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
