Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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