Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
