I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
