Your mouth is God's brothel.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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