i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize