I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
