think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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