he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
