Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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