you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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