Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
