His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize