Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
