The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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