so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
