It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
