Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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