1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
